2 Week Review

Hmph. Well, I've learned more about myself in the last 2 weeks and have seen a great deal that I like and some things that need improvement. I would say I'm about 7/10 happy with my current self and habits and choices, and if I could tweak that remaining 30 per cent to my liking, I would feel all-around more healthful, more aware, more present, and ultimately happier.

I find myself to be idealistic. On the one hand, it's great to believe in yourself enough to shoot for the stars. On the other, it's mentally exhausting not living up to unattainable expectations. I am pushing myself to change, and I will continue to do so. I will however stop feeling ashamed and guilty for giving in to bad choices. I will hold myself accountable, take personal responsibility, and keep moving forward towards the goals I hold dearest to my heart.

I've gained 1.8 lbs since my weigh in a week ago. That seriously bummed me out. It was not a surprise though because Friday through Sunday, I ignored the voice in my head telling me to be aware of my choices. There are no excuses on the journey I'm taking. My results are proof of my actions. There is no hiding from the reality that I need to face my challenges day in and day out. There will be hard times, there will be slow days and low days, but if I can just keep bringing myself to the present and tell myself, "I'm worth the effort," I'll be able to do this.

Part of being in the moment for me means that I need to track my progress more aggressively. Lately I've been tracking every other day or every couple days, and this is clearly not working for me. While I have been writing my food intake daily, I'm not stopping to consider my thought process that day and what I could do to improve the following day. Plus I've been so lax on exercising, I'm straight up embarrassed. So from now on, come hell or high water, I'm getting on this effing blog each night and tracking what I've eaten that day, what activity I've chosen to participate in, and where I'm at mentally and emotionally.

Another thing that is important to me is to begin reading Eat to Live for a second time. I told myself I'd read it through quickly the first time, get started on it, then read it again to properly take notes and ingest all the information a bit better. This is a must! I was doing pretty great at not eating meat at first, but it started to progressively slip away from me, and now I'm eating bacon and drinking milk - things I rarely consumed in the past anyway!

It all goes back to making myself aware and repeating my goals to myself on a daily basis. Clearly, in 2 weeks I've allowed what is important to me to start falling away, so if it means that in 2 weeks from now, I'll have said to myself, "No meat. No dairy. No disease," one thousand times and I'm sick to death of it, then that just may be what it takes, a little ol' self-brainwashing, haha.

This journey is deadly important to me. I don't want to be fat, I don't want to let life pass me by. I want to be able to go on vacation and do every fun possible thing and know I can go on that hike, I can do 8 hours of shopping, I can swim with the friggin dolphins. I want to stand proudly in all pictures taken of me, I want to do photo shoots with my hubby before we have babies and then tons of times after. I want to look back when I'm 50 and remember how happy I was in my 20s because I took charge of my life - and more than that, at 50 I want to know that I don't have to anticipate cancer or depression or heart disease or osteoporosis, etc.

I know I can do this. I'm intelligent. I'm strong. I'm kind to others and unto myself. I have pure faith in me. I'm totally worth every good choice.